


I'm Sorry Mr. Stark, But Your Card Has Been Declined

by em_iloveyou_d



Series: The Marvel Agents [1]
Category: Amazing Spider-Man (2012), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Brotp Peter/Darcy, Gen, Implied Relationships, Marvel Agents fanverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-29
Updated: 2012-07-28
Packaged: 2017-11-10 23:05:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/471700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/em_iloveyou_d/pseuds/em_iloveyou_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Saturday morning. Peter Parker has a date with Gwen tonight. Darcy Lewis has nothing better to do. Peter Parker has Tony Stark's credit card. Darcy Lewis has dollar signs in her eyes. Not only is Peter going to have the best date with his girlfriend ever, but Darcy is going to get some new shoes and lunch at a fancy restaurant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry Mr. Stark, But Your Card Has Been Declined

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the Marvel Agents Fanverse, which is a fanverse my friend Bee created that I have been pouring my soul into because I love it. So that means that Darcy is the daughter of Maria Hill and Phil Coulson, the granddaughter of Agent K, and the second cousin of Jo Lupo. It also means Peter Parker is being considered for the Avengers and is staying in Stark Tower and being evaluated by Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, and Tony Stark. And Tony Stark has taken on a fatherly role to Peter. 
> 
> I have a playlist for this fic, if anyone is interested.

If there’s one thing Darcy hates doing, it’s errands for Jane. The woman is so dedicated to her work that she constantly nags Darcy for texting or playing Pokémon during research hours. Part of Darcy really wants to call out Jane on the picture of Thor she has on her desk, not the one Darcy took in the diner, but a drawing of Thor from a textbook that has no shirt on and something that barely passes for pants. It’s basically porn. Jane’s some great scientist, and she keeps porn on her desk. That’s how you get a Nobel Peace prize right there. Porn. 

But anyways, Darcy, errands, hating it. Jane had partnered up with some lab and which put Darcy back in New York, still being an awesome lab assistant, and not a UPS deliveryman, but Jane just wouldn’t accept it. She just had make Darcy run some specs about something over to Stark Tower because Dr. Bruce Banner wanted to do something about it, which really made Darcy scratch her head because she wasn’t sure how effective smashing a computer and then the wall was going to be, but no one asked her. 

So off she went, hailing a taxi like a true New York girl and using the emergency cash her aunt gave her to pay for it, straight to Stark Tower because everybody lived there and no one questioned five men or so living together. Jane’s lab was pretty far off from Stark Tower, so Darcy pulled our her iPod and tried to find something to listen to, like The Fault in Our Stars audiobook or at least something old school and edgy, but had no such luck. Her shuffle function immediately put her on The Muppets soundtrack. No offense to Amy Adams and Jason Segal, but Darcy had owned better Muppet soundtracks than that. Just saying. He could have at least given Rizzo the Rat like two lines. 

She was half through her rant of Jason Segal basing the movie on the first season of The Muppet Show and not factoring in the timeline the other direct-to-video movies had created when the cab screeched to a halt in front of Stark Tower. Jeez, ever heard of a gradual stop? She rolled her eyes, paid the cab driver, and hauled the stupid file spec thingies to the front door of the building. Who was she supposed to give this to anyways? Was some receptionist going to meet her out here? Was she going to have to go inside the building? She took a look up at the building. Super tall. If someone tired to direct her to the stairs, she was just going to throw this file thing on the ground and run away victory screeching. 

“With all the stuff Jane puts me through, you would think I would have a doctorate in menial tasks,” she murmured to herself before entering the building and looking around the lobby. Immediately, a small blonde lady with really large breasts stood up and waved her over. Like geez. Darcy knew she had some pretty big boobs, but it looked like this lady needed a shopping cart to get them anywhere. 

“Are you Darcy Lewis?” the bazooka chest lady asked.

“No, I’m a mugger, give me all your cash before I shiv you,” Darcy replied under her breath.   
“Excuse me?” fifty-foot boobies asked.

“Yes, that would be me. Darcy Lewis. With these files. Here you go,” Darcy chirped as she plopped them on the desk. “Have a fantastiriffic day!” And then she tried to get the hell out as fast she as could.

“Actually, Miss Lewis,” Tyrannosaurus breasts called out, “It says here you need to hand deliver these files to the lab on level 68.”

Darcy looked up at the ceiling and sighed. Thank a lot, Jane. No really, thanks. It’s like Jane was Major Monogram and she was Carl the unpaid intern. Unacceptable. If anything, Darcy was clearly Agent P material. She could so do semi-aquatic egg laying mammal of action, not curly haired and unpaid lackey. Poor Carl. 

“Are you sure it says that? I think there might be another Miss Lewis coming in later. Maybe you got us mixed up or something.” She was going to have to climb stairs, and really Jane? What was so important about these files that they had to be hand delivered. They were probably porn. Those two scientists were probably running a porn ring. 

“It says here only you and four other people have clearance to handle them. You’re just going to take the elevator to level 68, take the door on your right and deliver the files.”

Darcy grunted and picked the files back up and stalked towards the elevator. She turned back and watched Honey I Blew Up the Twins wave back encouragingly. “Okay, cool. Totally how I wanted to spend my Saturday. Delivering mysterious files to level 68,” she muttered. The elevator doors slid open and she stepped inside, pushed the level 68 button and leaned back against elevator walls as the doors slid shut and the whole thing started ascending. 

Why did she have to go to level 68? Because the porn studio was on level 69, obviously. Darcy laughed at her own joke. But seriously, why did she have these mysterious files to deliver and why did she have clearance? Was this a test? Were her parents watching? She looked around for a security camera, but couldn’t find one. But just to be sure, she there up both her middle fingers and waved them up and down. That’ll show them to mess with Darcy Lewis Sparkles Col-

The doors pinged open and Darcy was face to face with a lot of glass and a lot of metal. So this was level 68. Dr. Banner’s lab. How uninviting. He couldn’t even be bothered to put up like a poster or leave out a magazine? She took the door on the right and looked around judging the décor even more. It was like a robot lived here. Except... Whoa, was that a giant bag of weed on the table over there? Darcy threw the files down on the nearest workbench and ran over to the gallon Ziploc storage bag. Holy flaming shitballs. Look at this giant bag of drugs. Darcy flipped it over in her hands a few times, unsure how to react to holding a giant bag of pot. If only someone was nearby so she could take a picture next to it. This was so Facebook worthy. 

“I know what you’re thinking but it’s not marijuana, “ a dude’s voice called out. Darcy screamed and dropped the apparently not weed on the ground and went for the taser on her hip. 

“Who said that? Hello? Who’s there? “ She asked back. There was a rustle behind her, and when Darcy turned to it she watched something drop to the ceiling and land behind a counter. Uncle Clint? What the hell was he doing in Dr. Banner’s lab when he was supposed to be on top of Natasha Romanoff? Ohhhh!

But when the guy stood up, it totally wasn’t Uncle Clint. It was some really skinny guy with a fohawk and some hipster glasses. Maybe he was an unpaid intern too? Maybe he was the boy version of her?! Oh god, if he was, then he needed some fashion advice and a sandwich, cause damn. 

“Sorry, I, uh, didn’t mean to… drop in?” he said while rubbing his hand on the back of his neck and smiling sheepishly. Nope, definitely not the boy version of her. Boy version of her would have already taken his pants off and started dancing. 

Darcy stared at him, hand still on her taser as he approached her. “I’m Peter Parker. Are you Darcy Lewis? I was supposed to meet you here and receive some files for Bruce and Tony if you are,” he asked quietly. 

Wow. Just imagine if she wasn’t Darcy Lewis. If these were secret files, he would have just blown the whole secret. Who put this boy in charge? She did her best not to make her disgruntled face before slapping on a fake smile. “Why yes, I am Darcy Lewis, and the files are over there and now I will be leaving. Have a magical day!” she chirped. 

She headed for the door as she heard him behind her “Oh sweet. This was so easy. And they were threatening to deny me to the Avengers if I messed this up!”

She spun around quickly. “The Avengers? The Avengers that are a response team for SHIELD? They’re letting you into the Avengers?!”

Peter’s eyes grew to the size of that lady’s down stairs giant mammary glands and he dropped the files with a clunk. “You know about SHIELD?”

Darcy smiled slyly. “I may or may not be a current or future agent of said organization.”

“Are you or aren’t you?” he asked., frowning in confusion. 

Darcy rolled her eyes and frowned. “Okay, so my parents are agents and I listen in on their conversations because the walls in the apartment are paper thin and I swear I haven’t slept on a Thursday night my whole life because of that. But yeah, I know about the Avengers. I met Thor way before the Avengers. I can show you a picture I took of him in a diner as proof. Or my boss, Jane,” Darcy rambled proudly. It was like she was practically the Director of SHIELD. More like Director of Awesome.

Peter was apparently buying into it. “You have parents in SHIELD? That’s so cool. ”

“Yeah,” she replied.

“Yeah,” he repeated.

Darcy blinked a few times then stared at him. “Do you know how to talk to people?” 

Peter slammed his face into his palms. “I’m sorry, I’m just nervous cause I’m going on a date with my girlfriend and she’s been hinting at wanting to have this spectacular night, and she deserves to have it because her father died and I’m partially to blame and I don’t know what I’m doing, I just want things to go great and I’ve been standing in this lab all morning trying to figure out what to do while I was waiting for you and –“

“Whoa! Whoa! Slow your roll, Parker,” she yelled at him. He immediately stopped talking and took some deep calming breaths, or wheezed. Darcy wasn’t too sure. She just didn’t want to tase him, but he was totally freaking her out. “Look, I happen to a master at everything, so I might be able to help you out.”

Peter stared back at her, still breathing slowly. “Really? You’re going to help me?”

“Sure. It’s either this or go back and be ordered around like a slave by Jane while she humps a picture of Thor.” Darcy pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Jane that pretty much said ‘I have plans, k thnxbai’. “So, how much money do you have to work with for this special date with your girlfriend?”

Peter dug around in his pockets and pulled out his wallet, then pulled out a shiny red and gold credit card. “I have thirteen dollars in cash, and this Stark Industries credit card Tony gave me for emergencies.”

Darcy stared at the card for a moment and a huge grin spread all over her face. Fuck yeah.


End file.
